My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
