Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
