I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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