i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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