what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
