I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
