yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
