He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
