Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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