she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
