um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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