So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
