I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
