omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He uses pillows to masturbate.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
