in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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