Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
