how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
