Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
