At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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