I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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