I think my vagina is haunted
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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