Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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