I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
