there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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