He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
