Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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