The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
