No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
