Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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