If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
