One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
