Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
