Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
