If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
