so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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