Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
