Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
