Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
