Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
