Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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