the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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