This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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