i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
