wrigley field is MILF paradise
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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