I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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