I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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