like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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