we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You made out with two different species that night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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