Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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