At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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