suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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