She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
