I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
