fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
