OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
