The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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