Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
