I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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