some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
