I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
