I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
