Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And then he peed in my hair
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