im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
