Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
me + whiskey = a bad person
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
