he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
