i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just pee around me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
