I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
